How Bisbee makes you go Arrgh!

The Bisbee Pirate Weekend in the port city of Bisbee Arizona goes all weekend in some form or another, but the vending portion is only on Saturday. We went up Friday night with reservations, we hoped, at the Silver King Hotel, which claims to have the country’s smallest bar. Indeed, Room 4 in the hotel is a functioning bar with 4-6 seats depending on how you define seat. The rest can brave the lobby? Parlor? Big room with chairs and a couch, and , more often, the patio beyond. Besides that attraction, it was also about half the price of the other nearby historic hotels. We soon found out why.

Bongo in Bisbee

The hotel has maybe 12 other rentable rooms with communal bathrooms – that’s right – and key to the front door attached to your room key, because once the bar closes up – you are on your own.

There is also no AC. Bisbee is about 5000 feet above sea level, so the highs were barely 90, but it didn’t get down below 80 until after midnight. Fans can only do so much.

Pirate weekend is loud and drunk, particularly if you are in the middle of it, as the Silver King is. We contributed, but we are not the revelers we used to be. So if we seemed grouchy, we were on short rest.

The Silver King was across the street from City Park – the vending area, which is the size of a large backyard. Happily, they only had 16 vendors.

Old City Park in Bisbee – the short stairs.

The problem is that Bisbee has no level surfaces. City park can be reached by the long stairwell up the south end. The shorter stairwell on the east side. Or by a narrow road across the north end passing a gate that had room to unload a single vehicle at a time. We arrived on time and were still somehow the last in and the last out.

Our smaller setup

We sold almost no pirate clothes, despite bringing plenty. The Pirate Fest has been an annual thing for some time, and all the locals had their costumes. We moved some belly-dance and some other items that covered costs.

Bisbee is an old mining town shoved into a canyon. When the mines closed it nearly became a ghost town until it was discovered by hippies seeking cheap, weird real-estate. The locals describe it as Mayberry on Acid. There is street art everywhere you look. And in historic downtown, you are never out of staggering distance from a bar.

Captain Gracie Shotz in Bisbee. The camera is as drunk as we were.

The town fills up on weekends and the limited parking fills up with it. When we pulled out of city park after load-out I had to park a good half mile, and several hundred vertical feet, from the Silver King.

The restaurant in the Copper Queen hotel has respectable cocktails and some of the best steak we’ve had in a long time. Seriously, go for the steak. Stay for the pirate nonsense if you want to.

Old Fashions at the Copper Queen – the real attraction.

Camping downtown in Cedar City

Held in downtown Cedar City, Utah, the Utah Midsummer Renaissance Faire is another small town fair that doesn’t go on Sunday [see Show Low – previous post].  They start on Wednesday, however, and we had to drive almost direct from Show Low to make load-in. Main Street Park in old downtown is smaller than the Show Low site, and they packed twice the number of vendors. Many were very cool. Many were the sort you would see at any First Friday. None of them sold period clothing in any real quantity, and we did well.

We were one of the few that slept on site, a practice we cannot recommend.  With no room for an actual tent, we slept in what was effectively an outsized dressing room bisecting the Cave of Wonders. We had little trouble from the locals, but plenty of mosquitoes.

Isabo napping

I normally make coffee behind the tent in the morning, but we were warned off anything like the propane stove I use to boil water in the city park. The grocery store across the street has block ice and a Starbucks.

There are also several good restaurants in walking distance and one bar that stays open after 10pm.

Even so, next year – and there will be a next year, we are getting a hotel, even if we barely break even.

Getting in and out with a vehicle is requires a great deal of patience and finesse. Particularly loading out, as that happens Saturday night. The sprinklers, we were warned, come on at midnight. Happily, loading out in adverse conditions used to be my day job, and we made it with time to go to the last open bar downtown.

We didn’t. We were too tired. But we had the time. And, wisely, a hotel room waiting for us.

Small scale mayhem at the top of the rim

The Medieval Mayhem Renaissance Fair in Show Low Arizona is a small fair on a big field. Specifically, the municipal soccer fields which form the preponderance of Frontier Park, which, in turn, are surrounded by cow pasture, despite this being essentially downtown. They do not pack the whole field with vendors. You can comfortably experience the entire fair in an hour, (two if you want to eat; three if you want to see a show) and cross the thing in about ten minutes. This leaves plenty of room to load in and out, and camp onsite, as we prefer to do.

In previous years we had armies of bugs, but we were either before or after the grasshopper invasion this year. There is, alas, standing water in the ditch around the cattle pond, so bug netting is still essential.

Two important things to know about Show Low, Arizona: 1] is has an elevation of over 6000 above sea level, which meant in the middle of a July heat wave we had highs that touched the 90’s. Compare to Phoenix where it touched 115.

My son came up to “help” us.

And 2] Show Low is very much a small town. Saturday was Derby Day, where they shut down main drag so that residents could race non-motorized box cars down a hill. This was a big thing. The Fair folk believe its proximity to the park drives up attendance.

Also there is a permanent storefront selling Trump merchandise just down the street. Past that is the Burger King, which is the most reliable source of hot breakfast and coffee close to the park.

The Fair is only open Friday and Saturday – though it is open late. Show Low shuts down on Sunday, so we had that whole morning to load out.

Open late!

Which takes longer than you think – at 6000 feet.

We’ll be back next year.

UnObtanium July 2024 wandering hub

Dashing between events…

We did three shows in four weeks and what they had in common was small towns,  and grass lush enough that we did not bother laying out the rugs. And mosquitoes.

They were otherwise strikingly different.

This is the hub post for those three accounts.

Medieval Mayhem – Show Low AZ

Utah Midsummer Renaissance Faire – Cedar City Utah

Bisbee Pirate Weekend – Bisbee AZ

Prepping for our micro-tour

For the first time in our relatively young existence, we have back-to-back weekend appearances that will require travel between them.

Technically, this is our 3rd back-2-back, but the first were both a few hours from Las Vegas, where Cheryl lived at the the time, and the second were separated by our honeymoon, so that doesn’t really count.

We have a long to do list before wheels up on Thursday, but never fear, gentle reader. Keeping you up-to-date is part of that.

We have a teepee to repair.

And new inventory to tag and bag.

Our booth at Medieval Mayhem last year

So we can go do these events:

Next weekend in Show Low, Arizona

https://www.azmayhem.com/

And…

What both of those events have in common, besides us, is that they will be much cooler than Phoenix or Las Vegas.

More details on our events page.

Hope to see you there.

London Bridge did not fall down

In the end, it was not a disaster, but for a while, it looked like it had all the makings of one.

In April of 2024 UnObtanium Bazaar appeared at the London Bridge Renaissance Festival in Lake Havasu City, AZ. In the past our biggest environmental challenge on this site has been heat. This year it was wind. And some rain. And reports of golf-ball sized hail.

Hail would have been the end of it. I was never able to confirm the hail reports, and while we had some rain, we had no hail on the rodeo grounds. The morning after proved bright and clear.

Photo from LBRF – Perry Smith

Very bright – there is not a blade of grass on the rodeo grounds where they hold this thing.

Why rodeo grounds? Jousting! Featuring the Knights of Mayhem.

Photo from Clan Darksail

Also – Clan Darksail could fire off canons.

No matter how many times a day you hear them, the last two blasts will startle you.

Finally, a peak backstage as we packed it all up Monday morning.

We plan to return next year.

Dottore

My most common Faire persona is Dottore, an early 18th-century butler turned pirate turned merchant. I can do a passable English accent, and I trot that out when I play him. The costume consists mostly of items appropriated from our own inventory.

The name is taken from a common Commedia Dell ‘Arte character – which I also played. I appeared as Dottore in the Graceland College production of A Company of Wayward Saints by George Herman way back in 1986. It was one of my last real roles in a real play, and one of my favorites.

As a high-school and college actor, I specialized in playing the old men. I had a ken for it. Once you are out of educational theater, the roles of old men go to actual old men. I went backstage and became the guy controlling the lights rather than the one squinting into them.

Nearly forty years later, I am selling garb at Renaissance Festivals. Or rather, I am playing your friend  Dottore who sells you garb and artifacts.

Commedia Dell ‘Arte is a late medieval school of improvised theater popular in Italy.  Ill Dottore, from whom I borrowed the name, is presented as a know-it-all doctor or other learned professional who actually does not know much at all. The character in Saints begins that way, but grows over the course of the play, along with the rest of the troupe.

My Faire character really shares only the name. He does not dress all in black. He tries not to blather.

My Dottore began as a Butler though not a good one. He was originally just a house-servant. When the noble couple booked passage for America the Butler he reported to, and most of the remaining competent staff, refused to go. It was suspected that the true purpose of the voyage was to elude their many angry creditors. Dottore – having no better prospects – joined them – and was thus promoted to Butler.

Somewhere in the Atlantic, their ship was overtaken by pirates, and the three were captured.

Someone paid ransom for the Nobles – likely their creditors. None would pay for poor Dottore.

However, in the considerable delay as these transactions were negotiated, Dottore, out of boredom, organized the stowage he had been imprisoned with. The pirates soon discovered the fastest way to find anything in the hold was to ask Dottore.

So rather than being thrown overboard, or sold as a slave, he was offered the post of quartermaster (as the previous one had become inconveniently dead) and thereby became a pirate.

In this role, Dottore often joined the first mate and later captain Gracie Shotz ashore to try and liquidate their loot. There, they both noticed that the parties buying their ill-gotten wares were wealthier and healthier than any of the pirates they bought from.

Dottore the merchant

Dottore and Gracie, having become a couple by this point, also became merchants. And that is how he came to be here, in this tent, willing to help you find what you want.

Two Rivers Renaissance Faire

Our Booth at Two Rivers during a respite from the wind…

UnObtanium Bazaar appeared at the Two Rivers Renaissance Festival in Yuma AZ last weekend [2-4 Feb 2024].

We loaded in in the rain, and the first day featured gale-force winds. As those winds blew the rain elsewhere, and temperatures warmed a bit, the crowds came out, and we had a good Faire.

As we often do, we camped onsite, though this sort of camping is nothing like a quality wilderness experience. Participant camping is under a canopy that shelters livestock during other events. While we appreciated the dry, soft dirt surface, they pack us in there, creating more of a cheap motel experience. However, we could barely hear our neighbors conversations over the grating whine of some nearby agro-industrial complex whose product seems to be annoying noise.

The jets from the nearby marine air field drown out all of that, of course. Not all of the time, but often enough to remind humble merchants the cost of empire.

But they had coffee in the morning, a good mix of folk wandering about once the weather cleared and reasonable beer prices (until they ran out).

We plan to return next year.